The horse world is dreadfully guilty of political incorrectness. Citizens, we can fix this!
- From now on, the rider who came in 128th out of 127 competitors isn’t a major loser; he’s ribbon-deprived.
- We’ll refer to awful jumpers as potential dressage horses and horrid dressage horses will be called event prospects (oh, wait, we’ve been doing that for years anyway).
- Prominent horsepeople who go to jail for tax evasion are, um, ethically challenged.
- Judges who make stupid decisions are myopically magnificent.
- A twitch is a lip tourniquet.
- Instructors, refrain from telling any student that she has a bad seat. Instead, tell this rider that she has astronomical potential for butt improvement.
- A horse that always crashes through the jumps is merely in touch with his personal sense of gravity. Likewise, a bad mover isn’t an eggbeater with legs --- he’s kinetically challenged.
- A horse who won’t go forward is a whoa-overachiever.
- Waterlogged showgrounds are humidity super-enriched.