Saturday, March 13, 2010

Political Correctness & The Horse Community

The horse world is dreadfully guilty of political incorrectness. Citizens, we can fix this!
  • From now on, the rider who came in 128th out of 127 competitors isn’t a major loser; he’s ribbon-deprived.
  • We’ll refer to awful jumpers as potential dressage horses and horrid dressage horses will be called event prospects (oh, wait, we’ve been doing that for years anyway).
  • Prominent horsepeople who go to jail for tax evasion are, um, ethically challenged.
  • Judges who make stupid decisions are myopically magnificent.
  • A twitch is a lip tourniquet.
  • Instructors, refrain from telling any student that she has a bad seat. Instead, tell this rider that she has astronomical potential for butt improvement.
  • A horse that always crashes through the jumps is merely in touch with his personal sense of gravity. Likewise, a bad mover isn’t an eggbeater with legs --- he’s kinetically challenged.
  • A horse who won’t go forward is a whoa-overachiever.
  • Waterlogged showgrounds are humidity super-enriched.

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