Pirate race horse!

Best Horse Name Ever - Watch more Funny Videos

From a Jockey's POV

not a funny but fun to watch!

A TB racer's story

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.

1933 Mickey Mouse

I love that Thunderbolt seems to have a belly button!

Godspeed

The nuns at a small convent were happy to learn that an anonymous donor had left his modest estate to them. Each nun had been left $50 in cash to give away as she saw fit.

Each nun announced how she would spend her bequest. Sister Catherine Ann decided to give her share to the first poor person she saw.

As she said this, she looked out the window and saw a man leaning against the telephone pole across the street, and he indeed looked poor.

She immediately left the convent and walked toward the man. He had obviously known better days. The good nun felt he had been sent by Heaven to receive her offering.

She pressed the $50 into the man's hands and said, "Godspeed, my good man."

As she left, the man called out to her, "What is your name?"

Shyly, she replied, "Sister Catherine Ann."

The following evening, the man returned to the convent and rang the bell. "I'd like to see Sister Catherine Ann," he said.

The nun at the door answered, "I'm sorry, but I cannot disturb her right now. She's in the chapel. May I give her a message?"

"Yes," said the man gleefully. "Give her this $100 and tell her Godspeed came in second at Belmont."

Derby horse

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him "Hey-come over hear buddy".
The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks"Were you talking to me"?
The horse replies"Sure was, man I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money 'cuz I can still run."
The jogger thought to himself,"boy a talking horse" Dollar signs started appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch. The jogger tells the farmer"Hey man, I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field".
The farmer replies, "Son you can't believe anything that horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky."

Horse racing and religion

Mitch, a hard-shell Southern Baptist, loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt when he noticed this priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse - a very long shot - won the race.Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 5th race horses lined up, and placed this blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race.The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won! Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest`s blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Mitchell be every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. Mitchell was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I`ve lost my savings, thanks to you!!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That`s the problem with you Protestants... you can`t tell the difference between a simple blessing and the last Rites."

The Greyhound

Three racehorses stood in their stalls. One said to the others, "I ran 20 races and I won 14 of them!" she bragged. The next said with a snort, "Well I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!" Then the third horse spoke up proudly, "Yeah, I won 41 races and won 39 of them!" This seemed to settle the topic, when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, "I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them." The horses looked at each other in amazement, and one gasped, "Wow! A talking Greyhound!"

From the (race) horse's mouth

A horse walked up to the racetrack betting window and put down 50 bucks. "I want to bet on myself to win the fifth race," said the horse. "I don't believe it!" said the astonished clerk. "You don't believe what?", said the horse, "That I can talk?" "No", replied the clerk, "You don't stand a chance of winning the fifth race.

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A young boy told his mother that his father had taken him to the zoo. The mother couldn't believe it.
She said, "Your father has never taken anyone to the zoo in his whole life."
The boy said, "He did, and one of the animals paid fifty dollars!"

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A man was walking down the road leading a horse and saw his mate. His mate said to him "What are you going to do with that?"
The 1st man replied "Race it".
The 2nd man then said "Well by the looks of it you will win!".

Racing a 6 year old

A man from Idaho breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race. The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.
The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner. "Is this horse unsound?" they asked.
"Not a bit," said the owner.
"In that case," asked the stewards, "why have you never raced him before?"
"Mister," said the man from Idaho, "we couldn't even catch the critter until he was five years old."

A champion jockey on a new horse

 A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers "Aleeee ooop" in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"

Foggy horse race

Funny horse race names

another youtube classic, bad language warning...