How to Worm a Horse:

1. Buy wormer paste.

2. Capture the wild beast -a.k.a- the horse.

3. Firmly grip lead rope in left/right hand (whichever you do not write with).

4. With your other hand insert wormer tube.

5. Pick yourself up off the ground and ask someone to hold your horse while you go to the emergency room to have your dislocated shoulder looked at.

6. Repeat steps 1-5, but duck this time as the back hooves somehow go flying past your head.

7. As your legs get twisted in the rope, try to stand up, only to have your legs pulled out from under you.

8. As soon as you spit out ALL the dirt you just ate, jump up and grab your horse.

9. Ponder why this is not working.

10. Repeat steps 1-5 and 6, but this time go home, change into a shirt that does not have apple- flavored wormer paste all over it and proceed to go to the feed store and buy another tube.

11. When you get back to the barn, see the manager's 10-year-old son walking over to you.

12. Let him take the worming tube from your hand, and watch in disbelief as he worms your horse without getting a single spot of the paste on himself, and there is no dirt on his face, and he's not in the emergency room.

13. Put your horse back in the barn and go home to your nice warm bed.