Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Martha Steward horsekeeping

A bit late for a Christmas post but I just found this one in my saved jokes folder :)

An Equestrian "Martha Stewart" Style Christmas

1. Take red and green tape and covers your horse's halter for a festive look.

2. Trim your horse's hooves with pinking shears and stencil a different holiday picture on each hoof.

3. Tie ribbons on the muck tub and decorate the handle with bells.
Whenever your horse poops,
skip up the aisle shaking the tub, humming "Here comes Santa Claus."

4. Spray paint the pitchfork gold and decorate with raffia and holly.

5. Place a fresh lemon slice in your horse's new silver water bucket.

6. Stamp out carrot and apple treats with copper cookie cutters and decorate with royal icing and a number 2 rosette tip.

7. Collect mane and tail hair and hang in wire baskets outside the barn for the birds.

8. Let the farm dogs drink eggnog from the toilet bowl.

9. Restuff all your pillows with horse hair saved from body clipping.

10. French braid your horse's tail intertwining red, gold and green threads, and make him wear a Santa hat.

11. Dress up like Santa. Put antlers on your horse. Hitch him up to manure spreader and drive around the farm yelling "on Donner, On Blitzen etc."

12. Use fresh manure to form manger scene figures. Use manure from your best horse for the Christ child.

13. Decorate yourself, your horse and your tack with Christmas tree lights.
Use methane from your most flatulent horse to power the whole system.

14. Soak your white polo wraps in starch. While still wet, form into angels. When dry, hang up around the barn.

15. Coat the barn cats in Elmer's glue and roll in red and green glitter.

16. Take the chain harrow and spell out "Merry Christmas" in your neighbor's hay field so people in airplanes can read it.

17. Change cross ties in barn to braided red licorice. Hot glue candy canes at 3 inch intervals.

18. Fill the automatic waterers with hot buttered rum.

19. Hang mistletoe over the stallion's door and let all the "girls"
stop by for a kiss.

And my favorite:

20. Train your geldings to write "Merry Christmas" in the snow!

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